Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
