how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
