So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize