yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
