What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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