I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
