i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize