he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How's work?
Spinning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
