Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
