Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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