dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
