3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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