I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
