Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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