Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
