He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
worst night to have a conscience
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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