are you still at the devil's house?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize