He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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