So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
