I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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