he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
