ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
