Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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