I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
