Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
