My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so that wasnt chicken after all
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need moral support for this bender
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ladies don't puke and tell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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