She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
