Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
