Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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