we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
