Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
