Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
