high people should be assigned attendants
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
