You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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