I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
