You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
