Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
