She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
