Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
