Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
