the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
