i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
smell my finger.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
