Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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