he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize