I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
