Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
