Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
