I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
