Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
