Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it's like iHOP with fire
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
