i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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