omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
