I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
