well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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