U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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