i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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