As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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