Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize