i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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