Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize