apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i think my cat just said my name.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
