if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
MIDGETS
????
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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