another moral hangover. fuck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
