Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
