Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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