Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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