Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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