you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
