My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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