i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
