and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
