she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
