I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
