this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
