Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
