Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
