the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i have two assholes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am one with the molecules
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
