i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
