my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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