I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
