I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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