So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
