Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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