it's too hot outside to masturbate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just shotgunned beers for America
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
