I'm sorry my penis didn't work
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
