I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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