sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
