I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
