so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
