Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
