i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
