Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
