At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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