Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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