my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
