Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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