my mouth tastes like poor choices
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
