We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
