There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, beer. Big fan.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
