guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
