You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
