I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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