I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
