The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
