Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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