Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize